Hey Kids. Merry Christmas. I hope you had a dysfuctional celebration of booze and family and bad gifts! For christmas this year, my father gave me a card, with only one sentance, it went like this...

Dear Tyler,
Michelle Kwan is a republican.
love,
Dad


Can you think of anything more terrible? My michelle, a...a...republican?! I almost died. And, the sad part is, its true. She is. She's been in bed with those bastards for years, though I've turned a blind eye. So, my christmas was ruined, by the truth, which ultimately, isn't THAT bad.

Also for christmas, I was constipated for two days. Yes, two days. And, to make matters worse, I'd eaten Chipotle right before, meaning that I had a chipotle burrito stuck in me for, oh about, 52 hours. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting...

So, I got constipation for Christmas. What did you get?