I've been tapped to provide witty, sarcastic commentary on the new season of The Real World: Denver. It'll be featured on the site, www.insidepulse.com reality dish?! I'm not exactly 100% sure. However, I'll be featuring my blogs from that site, on my own, right here. So, enjoy! And, remember, the reason they hired me to do this is because I'm sassy. So, Denver Castmembers, don't be offended, read this with a sense of irony, please. And, with that, here we go!


Now, to the fun stuff. Dishing on The Real World. I’ll admit it, The Real World has been my favorite show since the first season, when I was like, ten years old. Nonetheless, I’m just as excited as you are to meet this season’s seven new strangers. Though, now I will admit, it is much harder to judge the seven strangers now knowing how much false editing takes place. So, let’s not judge them, let’s simply indulge in them!

My first thoughts on Denver? T to the R to the ASHY! TRASHY! MTV knows what it’s doing by now and has a formulaic structure to seasonal cycles. That is to say that Key West was a more intellectual season, where societal issues like anorexia, hurricanes and spoiled rich kids were highlighted. Other “issue” seasons include, but are not limited to: San Francisco, Philadelphia, Back to New York and Chicago. Denver, on the other hand, is of the “Shock and Awe” vein. Where, producers and castmembers will stop at nothing to shock the viewer into tuning in. Note MTV’s sad yet salacious promotion of the “Three-Way Premiere”. What this really constituted was a three-hour repeat block of the same show, i.e. MTV is currently in the Holiday haze where they have no other programming and need to shamelessly trick America into thinking there would be a threesome, ala Las Vegas. Well, folks, Denver is no Vegas, no matter how much clever marketing goes into it. However, that isn’t to suggest that it won’t be fun watching these seven youngsters throw themselves into unabashed hedonism all in an attempt to live up to Vegas. Bring it on Bitches! With that, let’s break down the cast.

Tyrie: Big, scary black man, who is a really a teddy-bear at heart

Brooke: Seemingly slutty Southern Chick who is being billed as the next “Paula” but with dark hair

Colie: “Get’s drunk on wine” sorority chick from New Jersey who cleverly capitalized on her tangential, at best, relation to Hurricane Katrina. Hey, it got her cast on the show!

Alex: The only straight, white guy this season. Not too compelling of a story behind this guy, but, he’s attractive, straight and white, so, hell, put him on TV. The Real World ceased to be about interesting people years ago. Even I can admit that.

Jenn: Slutty, but hot half-Asian chick from the bay area. The bitch can dance, and in my book, that is all that matters.

Davis: Racist gay dude from the south. Amazing casting job!

Stephen: Even better than Davis, they cast a homophobic black republican. As if Condoleezza Rice wasn’t enough.


So, there we have it kids. Seven new strangers. The aforementioned opinions aren’t necessarily mine, but rather what MTV told me to think. Now, let’s catch up on all the action. What we’ve seen already:

-Alex slept with Colie AND Jenn, within the first two days, substantiating all those claims during the casting process that they were indeed, Sluts!

-We discovered that Colie is co-dependent. Explains the rumors of her pill-popping from the recently filmed Challenge in South Africa

-Tyrie is still scary. After that fight with Davis, I reminded myself, never “step-up” to a large, former gang-banger who also just happens to be a black belt in Karate

-Davis likes to call black people the N-Word too! It seems Davis will be covering for Michael Richards next week at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles. Tickets on sale now!

-Stephen doesn’t like gay people. And people are saying that Republicans today aren’t sticking to their party platform. Pshhhah.

-Apparently Jenn and Jose have the same eye-brow stylist. Will rumors fly that Jenn is gay too?

-Stephen is kind of sexy for a black, homophobic republican. Looking forward to seeing more of him


As we can see, we’ve had a rather active first couple of episodes with Denver. Will Brooke get her own narrative arc, or will she be the “Jose” of Denver. Will Tyrie finally kill Davis? Will Colie stop whining to the camera? And, when will we see those high-kicks Jenn! I look forward to covering this season with all of you. Remember, if it isn’t real, it isn’t on MTV!!

Your sister in Kwan,
Tyler